homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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