Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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