those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize