Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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