Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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