A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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