"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize