Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
