So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
