why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What a dumb baby whore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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