I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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