So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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