dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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