We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
