im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
