guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
