I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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