and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I look better un-naked...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize