Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
