two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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