Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A bitchslap is in order.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
