i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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