Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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