WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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