if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
