you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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