Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We left the knife in your bed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A bitchslap is in order.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
