wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
