She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize