Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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