oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
