Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize