real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
