he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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