Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
