My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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