when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
