its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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