no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize