Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I faked an abortion last night.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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