The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
