She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
only if we run a train.
done.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
