This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The power of my boobs compel you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
