this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
