I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my being single is dangerous.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize