omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize