The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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