went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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