I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
