Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
