Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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