Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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