I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
