That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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