I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
