I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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