I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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