I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
