I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
