dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
