It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
