I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Actions speak louder than pants.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
