apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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